Five Minute Friday – OWN

The other day I was painting the bedroom in my son’s newly purchased house. The Master closet has two doors and an access that goes all the way through from one door to the other. I conspiratorially whispered to my five-year-old granddaughter that there was a secret passageway in her parents’ closet. She immediately raced to explore it. Once she realized the fun of sneaking through one door and out the other, she scurried downstairs to share her discovery with her younger sister. 

Two-year-old Jael joined Esther, running multiple circles through the closet’s openings, giggling with abandon. Until – THUMP! The giggles turned to whimpers and tears as little Jael appeared and ran into my arms for comfort. Tears pooled in her eyes and flowed down her face. Her sister followed, equally distraught over the fact that her sister had collided with a wall that protruded into the back of the closet. Although Esther was unhurt physically, she was overcome with emotion as she sobbed, “It’s my fault. I should have told her there was a wall there.”

While consoling Jael, whose face had impacted the wall, I knelt to comfort her sister. I explained that Jael’s injury was not Esther’s fault, even though she tearfully insisted that it was because she should have warned Jael that the wall stuck out and required her to turn sideways to go past it. It mattered not that Jael had been through the access multiple times before she bumped into the wall. All Esther could see was her hurting sister and, in turn, her own sense of guilt. 

It’s funny how easily I can relate to Esther. When someone we feel responsible for is hurting, it’s natural to wonder what we could have done to help them avoid the pain. Although the consequences of Jael’s incident were fully her own, Esther couldn’t see past what she might have done to help Jael avoid getting hurt.

Sound familiar? Anyone? 

It’s a natural inclination for most of us to struggle with guilt. We feel bad for others, so much so that we unwittingly own a part of their struggle that is not ours to bear. 

If you find yourself in a position where you are constantly worrying about or wondering how to fix someone else’s problems, today I invite you to take an honest look at the situation. Perhaps that requires you to move backward a few steps further to gain a clearer perspective.

Life has soul struggles and conflicts between light and darkness, targeting us and those we love. Relational tensions soar at the whim of poor choices made when the Truth is revealed yet still neglected. Hurt weighs heavy, and we wonder how things have progressed to where they are. What could we have done to change this?  

Most likely, not much. 

So stop taking blame where none is needed. Own your part in it, yes. Recognize your failings, apologize if necessary, and take steps toward reconciliation. 

But once you have owned your responsibilities, release others to own theirs, too. 

The world does not rise and fall upon your shoulders. Nor does the life of another. So cease acting as if everything depends on you. 

Let loose of the undeserved guilt, beloved. And learn to live free even when others do not. 

Their time of discovery will come as you pray and wait in faith, believing that the same God who set you free will open their eyes to see their prison door stands open, too. 

In the meantime, don’t let false guilt lead you back to a cell of your own making.

You can encourage others to walk forth from their confines, but not at the expense of your own imprisonment.

Live your freedom.

And leave the work of redemption to rest in the Lord’s keeping. 

He is faithful to care for it perfectly.

Both yours and theirs.

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This post was written in conjunction with https://fiveminutefriday.com/2023/04/06/fmf-writing-prompt-link-up-own/ Teaming up with an online group of writers who encourage others to share the words God has given them. The gist is to write for five minutes on a one-word prompt, then post your writing and link up with others who do the same — no overthinking, no deep editing, just free-writing in a short amount of time.